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2009

The Meaning

As I drive my SUV down the crowded street I feel as if I have left the city that I call home and have entered a refugee zone.  The war is apparently not over.  There are dirty, emotionally disturbed people everywhere; crossing the street randomly, crowding together on the corner, and staring into my car.  I find myself avoiding eye contact.  The need is too great, and I feel small and ill equipped.  I feel the pounding of my heart quicken as I see a parking place on the dirty urine laden street.  It is time to get out and face my fear.  What if they come aggressively at me wanting money, food, shelter, or help?  I take a deep breath and open the door to the dirty, stench of the impoverished. 

No matter how many times I make the trip it is always the same.  Four years I have been coming here and I still look down and respond to few protests for assistance.  Why am I here?  Why won’t these people leave me alone?  I hastily grab all of my materials- animals, teaching materials, lunch, etc- and head to the corner building.

When I reach the door I dread the time between knocking and someone answering.  There is an uneasiness about the wait.  Homeless people stare as they walk by, and take note of the animals that I have with me.  They sometimes try to start conversation.  When this happens the lump in my throat starts to thicken.  Are they high?  Are they armed?  Will they hurt me if I offend them?  All these questions are not enough to keep me from coming, but they are what I have been taught.  Growing up a middle class privileged, white American you are not expected to work in the poverty stricken areas.  You are expected to donate your finances. 

I smile and say goodbye as I enter the building happy to be safely inside my refuge.  I wonder if that is how the kids feel as they enter the building?  The sense of relief that calms my body as my colleague greets me is like a refreshing breeze.  Unfortunately, I think they are callused to the status.  They do not know any different and therefore they do not know to fear it.  It is comfortable.  Bridging the gap in this reality is an undefined road that is met with many obstacles.  The first obstacle I have maneuvered efficiently with little harm or injury.  I am here.

Now the sparks within me come alive.  I am passionately welcoming the children in to this safe house, and offering them a chance to expel their hidden fears and dreams.  These two concepts are sometimes one in the same.  They dream of better and are yet afraid to leave what they know.  I am here with a team of devoted colleagues to uncover the strength within each child and allow every one the opportunity to expect something more.

Elana is a young girl with high expectations of herself and others.  She like so many of the children here is expected to take care of herself.  She is 10 years old and is unable to depend on anyone but herself.  She learned at a young age that her parent had little time to spend nurturing and loving her.  She was born to be strong and independent.  Can you imagine a beautiful little girl unable to express or accept love?  She is hard and to the point.  There are no grey areas only black and white. 

I stare at her beautiful dark face and watch as she states that she is not to come home injured from a fight.  There would be no compassion or care if someone injured you physically or emotionally.  In fact, if she is found crying from a fight her mother has told her, “If you come home crying again I will give you something to cry about.”  This was followed by the expectation that if someone hits you, your response is to make it so they can never or will never hit you again.  My heart aches as I look at the weathered and hardened face of this 10-year-old child.  How can I express the injustice that is being scattered throughout this child’s life?  And more importantly, how can I help?

The only answer I have found is to return.  Week after week, month after month, year by year.  I will return.

2008

Hollygrove- Monday

We have been working at Hollygrove, an after school therapeutic program since January of 2008.

A 5 year-old boy came to the program dealing with anger and needing to learn how to cope with issues of anger and aggression. Then along came a snake, Rey to the rescue! Our 2-year-old king snake made quite an impression on a struggling little boy who was struggling to connect with the people around him. The animals were able to provide him a liaison with safe human interaction. Animals once again opened the door for constructive and therapeutic interaction. After a few weeks of consistent animal inclusive interaction this young boy is able to function in the program without animal contact. He is actively connecting with the people around him and learning how to function safely securely.

North Hollywood Police Department Jeopardy Program- Tuesday

In July we started with this at-risk youth program. We are serving 20 youth from the North Hollywood community that are struggling with issues of abuse, neglect, gang involvement, and family problems. Our animals are able to open the door for positive interaction with these youth. We meet once a week for 2 hours and create a consistent venue for the youth to discuss topics that are going on in their lives, the truth about their gang involvement, abuse, fighting, apathy, and family issues. We struggle to give them a voice in a world that tries to silence them. Through this voice we are able to provide hope to consider change. Please help us continue this partnership.

Central City Say Yes Program- Wednesday

We are proud to be working with Say Yes intimately once again. We began our journey 5 years ago with them and are excited to expand our services and our programs through their center. The children are homeless, living in hotels, and bombarded with family issues from all sides.

Many have little honest compassion from those around them because of their economic status and the issues that plague their parents creating an inability to properly parent. They are left to try and figure out why they are not being emotionally cared for by those around them. When in all reality the parents are so ashamed that they cannot provide for the physical needs of the child (food, water, shelter) that they retract from meeting any needs of the child.

Help us expand our programs to include the entire family. This downtown center is not able to provide any payment to the Peacock Foundation, so we need your help to continue to provide consistent treatment and support for the children, Say Yes staff, and families in the area.

Penny Lane-Friday

We have been working with this 40-bed residential center for almost 2 years. Weekly we go to the site and visit with the girls. Many immerse themselves in physical contact with the animals. It is the only safe and healthy physical contact that they voluntarily seek out. Other physical contact can be threatening and hurtful. However, they long for physical compassion and empathy. When they have reached out in the past it was met with abuse, neglect, and inappropriate behavior. They have learned to accept what they could get in lieu of compassion and empathy they accept inappropriate physical intimacy. With the animals we are able to provide the physical touch they desire in a safe and nurturing way. How would you feel if you were a 14-year-old girl kept away from your family and friends, unable to reach out for empathy from those around you?

McKinley Children's Center- Friday

The youth of San Dimas are reaching out for concern and care form those around them. When we visit with the animals they are able to connect with the people around them and create a connection both emotionally and mentally with the world around them. Many of these children are caught in tumultuous family systems that are training them to be aggressive and emotionally unavailable. Through our programs we are opening them up to compassion and connection. They sit and smile while the animal is placed in their arms. For children who rarely touch with a calm gentleness they are able to learn sensitivity.

2007

"Crystal is a 16-year-old girl who has been placed in a residential foster care facility. This facility is trying very hard to make life enjoyable for these young women, but how do you make 40 girls feel special? When Crystal came into the group she was the first to ask when it would be over. She would not talk and looked down for most of the session. Many people would just assume she is another angry and violent teen who does not want help. She definitely was not the easiest person to get to know as she bolted for the door the second the time was up. Then something changed. I noticed that she was reaching out to the snake and smiling slightly when it came to her. She started looking me in the eyes, and did not seem to notice the time on the clock. At the last session the group exceeded the time limit and all of the girls walked me to my car. Silently Crystal waited as the others waved goodbye and headed inside. As I turned from my car, after putting the dog in the backseat, her arms slowly slid around my waist. For a girl who appeared defensive it was amazing how easily she reached out to say thank you. Can you feel her arms? That hug was for you."

"Last week I was at an all boys’ residential foster care center. I was walking to the room that I am assigned to work in, and was stopped three different times by boys who were excited and enthusiastic to see what animal I had in my arms. These boys, who go out of their way for no one, went out of their way to talk for only a minute. It is a small beginning, but they have begun to open up to people in their lives. That is a big step towards healing. Some of these boys have finished their 4-week session with me, and anxiously ask when they will be allowed to attend again. Their scowls torment me as I finish walking to the door. How can I tell them they cannot come and talk with me and interact with the animals because it is someone else’s turn? It never stops encouraging me knowing that such a seemingly small thing like spending time with an animal and talking can make such a large impression. Look what you did without knowing it!"